Every. Single. Day.
Women. We love to be appreciated. It’s an ancient fact, really, and I’m pretty sure there’s some hardcore evidence to back up that statement. While it’s always nice to be complemented by random strangers and family members, there’s always that one person (looking at you, partner) whose opinion matters the most. We may not always hear it from them so sometimes you have to remind them why they’re so lucky to have you. It’s called self-appreciation, baby.
1. You can laugh all you want at the choices I make…as long as you remember you’re one of them!
I don’t know about the rest of you, but my husband likes to believe he’s Alexander McQueen when it comes to my choice of wardrobe. His sense of fashion heightens as soon as I put on a new piece of clothing. And when I say heightens, I do mean he points, snorts, and laughs.
Go ahead; laugh all you want at my yellow striped maxi dress. First of all, it was on sale. Second of all, it reminds me of bees and who doesn’t love those?? Plus, not everyone looks this wondrous in yellow so if anything, you should be thankful, buddy!
Don’t get me started about when I decide to try out a new recipe. My husband saw my cookbook open on “Beef Wellington” once and his exact words were, “Isn’t that dish out of your league?”
A dish is out of my league. As if we share the same physical attractiveness.
The love of my life, everyone, please give him a hand.
Solution: The most mature thing you can do is remind him that you’re out of his league and if you can settle for him, you can sure as hell make Beef Wellington!
2. I know I’m a pain in the ass, but look at it this way: I’m the only person who puts up with the farting, burping, and 2 AM conspiracy theories…
You’re bloated, you got a tummy ache, or you simply have gas. Whatever reason, it’s not like I’m going to kick you out of the bedroom because of a normal bodily function. My love for you exceeds those reasons.
But even though it might not mean a lot to you, you farting every ten seconds and me putting up with it is undeniably courageous of me. In sickness and in health, we both said that, so here I am accepting you in sickness.
Now, you can’t sleep, and I don’t blame you, but then you get to thinking about the JFK assassination, Area 51, and the Illuminati. I’m all ears but…can we just watch this rerun of Friends?
Solution: You may not know much about the fake moon landings, but you know you love your spouse to death so smile, nod, and repeat after me: “I know, right?!”
3. Your kids? All me. Your breakfast, lunch, and dinner? All me. Laundry? All me. Clean home? All me. Your eternal bliss and happiness? All. Me.
Seems a little silly (and obnoxious) to mention all of the above, but come on. You come home from a long day at work, and you’re greeted by one or two (three?) little rascals who have been waiting all day to show you their drawing of Barney the Dinosaur. Yeah, those sometimes angels came out of me so huzzah! The place is clean and sparkling, which I admit is rare, but look, I even made you your favorite foods!
Or at least I think it’s your favorite foods; you could be lying to prevent hurting my feelings…
After dinner, we clean up, wash up, put the kids to sleep, and you can cuddle right next to me and tell me all about your day.
That is until one of the kids wake up…
Solution: Send the kids to grandma for a sleepover. I know that doesn’t have anything to do with your spouse, but just do it.
4. You will not find someone as brutally honest as me so yes, you’ve gained “some” weight and no, you’re not imagining it, sweetie. You’re officially going bald.
The best thing about marriage is no matter how cruel you may sound; your partner will always know you have their best intentions at heart. With that said, you can always come to me for anything, and I do mean anything. You can count on me to still have your back no matter what because anything I have to say will be said straight to your face.
Hey, it’s all love in the end.
Solution: Always end criticism with a positive note and tone. I found ending everything with “-but you’re still my number one guy” usually does the trick.
5. You can search the world inch by bloomin’ inch and you will never ever- I repeat EVER- find someone that will love you as much as I do.
Pretty self-explanatory but I would stress this one. I’m always going to be your best friend. I’ll watch over you as a mother would, I’ll take care of you like as a wife should, and I will cherish you as long as you keep reminding me how I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
Then again, that’s not really up for debate.
Solution: Start every morning and end every night with loving words and always make your spouse feel like the Superman to your Superwoman.
