It’s spring, which means it’s officially wedding season! Once you’ve secured a second job to pay for all the travel, gifts and Rent the Runway dresses, you’re ready to hit the church/hotel/chic-but-rustic backyard fête. Here are the ten people you can definitely expect to find there:
The Engaged One
She just got that rock on her finger and she’s proudly showing it off to mutual friends, while he’s nervously glancing around the room thinking about how much this is going to cost.
Find them: asking the bartenders if this is premium liquor, grabbing the band leader’s card and critiquing the cake.
The New Couple
It felt like a good idea at the time: inviting the new bae to party with friends at a wedding, but now–phew, is it getting hot in here?
Find them: giggling nervously at the vows, avoiding questions about their future like it’s the plague & bar-hopping after the reception.
The Hot Mess Auntie
It might start with a slight slur, but the Hot Mess Auntie will spill the family tea, so she’s definitely worth scouting a seat next to. Not to mention she sets the reception standard by double fisting white wines.
Find her: talking everyone’s ears off about how she’s surprised the groom fiiiiiiiinally settled down and winking at the guitarist.
The Wannabe Event Organizer
Whether she’s an event planner or florist by trade or for a hobby, this guest is always there to take charge. Even though she can be a little overreaching, the bride is usually glad to have her.
Find them: shuffling flower girls to the aisle, buckling the bride’s shoe, instructing the photographer to grab that shot of the separated parents actually getting along.
The Awkward Co-worker
Sometimes, in a blissed out state, people find themselves handing out wedding invites at the water cooler. “It’ll be a great time,” they say, until the co-workers realize they don’t know anyone.
Find them: in the corner sipping champagne ready to leave as soon as the cake is cut.
The “So Happy for Her” Friend
There’s always going to be that guest who is, like, soooo happy for the bride or groom. Maybe they just got out of a relationship, maybe they’re painfully single. Either way, their thinly veiled well-wishes are hilarious to watch.
Find them: pounding shots at the open bar, telling everyone how so-not-jealous they are.
The Overly Sentimental Friend
Sobbing Susan and Tearful Ted are a little much. Avoid being a captive audience in the bathroom line if possible.
Find them: grabbing the mic to give an unplanned toast and giving out inappropriately long hugs.
The Politician
Every wedding is really a networking event for this guy or gal. They might as well be wearing an American flag on their suit jacket.
Find them: shaking hands with every person at the wedding, introducing themselves by full name, and leading the crowd in “Shout!”
The Single One
Like the Congressman, but with more flair, the single one also looks at this wedding like an opportunity, but expect them to be scouting the location of the “So Happy For Her” Friend, too.
Find them: twirling strangers on the dance floor (sniffing out the bridesmaids, chatting up every guest, suggesting places to go out afterward).
The Sibling
The sibling is a mixed bag of emotions. Maybe they’re happy, mad, or unsure what they are. But you can bet that they are going to be a good time. After all, they get the fun of a family wedding with much, much less of the stress.
Find them: lovingly ribbing the bride or groom, wearing sunglasses at night and definitely not bringing a gift.
