Tag: partner

  • What to Consider Before Tying the Knot

    What to Consider Before Tying the Knot

    Before one does anything life-changing, they usually think of everything it will affect in their future. For example, if you’re moving to another state, you will undoubtedly research the area you’re moving to, the crime rates, school district, transportation, weather, and so much more. If you’re familiar with the “fight or flight” response, then you know well that as humans, we’ve evolved to create safe spaces and develop connections with others, prioritizing our wellbeing. 

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    According to the CDC, in the U.S alone, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That’s 2,400 divorces per day! The percentage of divorces since the 1980s hasn’t budged much in the last four decades, and the reasons are endless, but that’s not our story for today. If you’re lucky enough to find a partner to spend life’s precious moments with, that’s wonderful! Here’s what you might have to consider before deciding to put a ring on it and remaining healthy throughout the marriage. 

    Who They Are

    How well do you know your soulmate? How long have you two been together? Are you familiar with their routines? Their likes and dislikes? How about this: do you know their middle name or even their favorite color? 

    Yes, these questions sound a bit outrageous, but if you find yourself not knowing the answer to even one of these questions, then few reconsiderations are in order. No, that doesn’t mean you have to reconsider everything you know, but knowing your partner is a vital part of every marriage. 

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    A study was conducted where 47 married couples completed an attitude familiarity questionnaire to see how well they knew their partners. It concluded that attitude familiarity with your spouse “also related to lower overall ambulatory systolic blood pressure and diastolic blood pressure.” Truly knowing your partner is a vital link in a sustainable relationship. 

    Addictions Cause Friction

    It’s no secret that addictions can not only ruin lives but take them, as well. If you’re entering a marriage with a partner who has a worrisome habit, let me stop you right there. 

    A person’s addictions (and that person can be you) can have irreversible damage on a marriage. It’s been said a million times before, and it’s a widely known fact: an addict’s needs and obsession with their drug of choice will always override the needs of their partner, children, career, and apparent necessities. 

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    Keep in mind that addicts are mentally ill people who will do whatever it takes to get what they want. This includes lying to cover up tracks, quitting their job, infidelity, and landing a family in massive debt. Because of their unreliability, it’s common to see the other spouse become the primary caretaker. If you or your partner is battling with addiction, get help, and avoid wedding bells for the time being

    Role-Play (Not That One)

    When you think of your partner’s role after marriage, what do you envision? Do you see them staying at home and taking care of the kids while you’re working a 9-5 job? Or do you see yourself working from home in your office, while your partner takes care of everything else? Who’s the chef? Are women solely responsible for cleaning up after you and sorting out your laundry, or have we broken down those traditional sexist barriers already? 

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    What you assume may not be what you bargained for. Master life coach and counselor, David Essel, says, “these assumptions can kill a relationship.” Premarital counseling is imperative for particular couples, but not enough choose to see a professional. Ask your partner what your role should be in a marriage. Their answer may or may not scare you. 

    Let’s Talk Careers

     Who’s the breadwinner of the family? 

    According to the CPS, “among married-couple families, both the husband and wife were employed in 48.0 percent of families”. Even a mediocre lifestyle has a big price stamp on it at the end of the month, and bills must be paid. 

    More families are choosing to work to bring in a more substantial sum of income at the end of the month. Traditionally, it’s always been the man’s job to… well, have a job. With more women entering the work field, tradition is getting its ass kicked. Not that I’m complaining, of course. 

     

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    If your job requires long hours, several meetings, traveling, late nights, or even early mornings, you might want to check in with your partner. Before marriage, it’s something that one rarely thinks about, but after marriage is a whole different story. 

    Unresolved Issues

    All couples have their ups and downs, their rights and wrongs, and their own way of forgiveness. Think: is there something that has occurred in your relationship that you’ve decided to forget and not forgive? 

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    Be very cautious as these events can lead to anger and miscommunication even after marriage. I know you don’t need a professional to inform you that communication is a crucial part of any marriage, and a clean slate is required for a new beginning. Hiding how you feel towards certain events can lead to suppression of anger/depressions, which will-believe me- end a marriage. Find time to sit with your partner and bring up any unresolved issues. 

    Talk about them, cry about them, and together, start anew. 

     

  • Eight Things to Do Every Day to Keep Your Relationship Strong

    Eight Things to Do Every Day to Keep Your Relationship Strong

    Before I had my first real long term relationship, everyone around me always had a habit of letting me in on know how relationships work. They require hard work, a ton of energy, constant arguments, and more than a few sleepless nights. 

    You can guess what that did to my sense of commitment… 

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    But, you live, and you learn, and you realize that other people’s relationship status does not dictate your own. 

    If you’re ever lucky enough to find that one person to dedicate your life to, you’re going to realize that you will need constant maintenance to keep your connection secure and healthy. From what I’ve learned, maintaining a relationship is very similar to planting a seed. You will need to continually take care of it, provide it with enough nourishment, and love in order for it to grow.

    With that being said, there are numerous ways (countless really) to keep a relationship sturdy and robust. 

    Start Your Day The Right Way

    It sounds simple enough, right? That’s because it truly is. 

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    If you live with your partner, then you know that some nights, we tend to fall asleep furious at each other. It could be the result of any circumstances that might have triggered you both during your day. 

    In an interview with Kyle Benson, psychologist Susan David explains how “When people bottle, they are pushing aside their emotions, and their partner can often feel that they aren’t present—that they aren’t authentic or vulnerable in the relationship.” It’s commonly understood how unhealthy bottling emotions can be, primarily when it’s between two people. By starting your day with intimacy such as sex, cuddling, pillow talk, the bond linking two people strengthens. 

    The Little Things Matter

    It’s incredibly common for lust and passion to wear off as a relationship elongates. It’s the brutal truth. 

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    In the beginning, it was everyday sex, chocolates, flowers, date nights, and so much more. Now, this is not to say it dies off completely, but there’s a noticeable difference. Of course, several factors are involved when it reaches this point. Therapist Daniel Tomasulo explains how “the demise often involves thwarted expectations that, over time, erode the connection. Love that was once flourishing becomes unrequited, resulting in less engagement, simulation, and satisfaction.”

    So how do we avoid this? Well, for once, it’s healthy to keep the element of surprise present in the relationship! For example, flowers on a random day, date night at your favorite restaurant, trying a new sex move, or even bringing home a new Pyrex pan for your partner! 

    Hey, worked on me. 

    Tell Them About Your Day

    That’s it. That’s literally it. 

     

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    You sit with your partner wherever they may be. You’re drinking a hot cup of chocolate, it’s snowing outside, The Office is playing on Netflix, you’re wrapped up in a blanket probably designed by Martha Stewart, and your partner is curled up under your arms. So take this time to ask them how their day was, or tell them about your day. Tell them about a new book you found, a show you’re interested in, or a recipe you’re excited to try out. 

    Show Appreciation 

    Observe. And learn.

    I appreciate your cooking. I appreciate your presence. I appreciate your love, your care, your humbleness, your generosity, your smile, your laughter, your messages, your calls. I appreciate you. 

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    But it’s not just stating your appreciation, it’s showing it. It’s taking care of your partner, showing them how much you love them, and reminding them how much they mean to you. Easy, right?

    Show Affection

    Affection is not only based on your sex life. There are several ways to show love that include physical, verbal, and emotional. The forms of affection include hugs, touches, massages, listening, and so much more. 

     

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    Marriage and Family therapist Gabrielle Applebury says how “Showing affection in your relationship is an important aspect of maintaining intimacy.” It’s always the little things that make the most significant difference.

    Hit The Gym 

    Couples that workout together stay together. I personally stand by this statement. The benefits of exercise and the science behind how it affects the human mentality are endless. 

     

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    And yes, you guessed it, it’s an excellent habit to create, especially with your partner. You get the chance to plan your workouts together, stay healthy, and meet your fitness goals!

    Set New Goals Every Day

    Speaking of goals…

    Think of how to better not only your relationship but your life together in general. Think about how you are going to propel towards that goal with your significant other. Talk about it, dream about, always discuss it. 

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    Emotional Fitness therapist Barton Goldsmith explains how “This alignment is critical for creating harmony and allowing you both to reach your dreams. Once that alignment is secure, there is no limit to how much you can accomplish together.” Forming a goal is a lifetime commitment. By building it with your partner, it strengthens your attachment with each other. 

    Share Your Thoughts

    I do mean the good, the bad, and the ugly. We are not always going to have healthy thoughts, and that’s ok. The most important thing is to talk about it with your partner. Share everything you think because communication is vital in any relationship. 

     

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    Share what you’re contemplating, have your partner share, discuss, and talk about how you feel towards it all in the end.