You did it! You just survived your dream wedding with Mr. Perfect (who did, by the way, put a ring on it). But the honeymoon was short lived and reality has set in. While you might have married Mr. McDreamy, he is a package deal and you, in turn, married his mom, Mrs. McDreadful.
focus on the positive
For those looking for some life hacks on how to stay calm even though you want to strangle your man’s mom, read on. As someone who has been there and lived it, I’m happy to share my advice, but I will be expecting one of those precious thank-you notes with your new monogram letter pressed on top after you are done with this.
We only have so many rips to give in this life, so ration them carefully. Every annoying habit, each comment under her breath, and all the suggestions she passive aggressively makes are bound to set you off, making you want to click your Jimmy Choos three times to have her disappear. But honestly, Dorothy, if you let every behavior you deem inappropriate get you caught up in a twister, you will be seriously misusing some of your limited supply of mental energy. And, more importantly, will accomplish nothing.
Practice strategic apathy; reserve your energy for a small number of important things. If it helps, don’t think of it as apathy; think of it as focus. Focus on the positive: you married a great guy, so your mother-in-law must have done something right in child rearing. After all, he is the man you fell in love with.
when not to be honest
We have all heard the adage that the truth will set you free, but, there are certain situations where fortune cookie advice is just not applicable. Now I am not suggesting being Vice President of the dirty, pretty little liars club, but I am seriously endorsing you learn and practice the art form of when not to be honest.
Honesty is nice in principle, but not everyone appreciates total, brutal honesty. Put on your Willy Wonka costume before directly confronting your MIL or unfriending her on FB, because you’re going to need to sugar coat and chocolate glaze the sh*t out of it. Telling the truth may help set people straight (and yourself free), but consider the consequences of your actions as well as the feelings of your husband and your MIL.
Be your own guide
Every day is an adventure; be your own tour guide, because this journey is not equipped with a GPS. You’re going to feel lost at times as you and your husband navigate your new roles and responsibilities of cohabiting and settling into the married life. It is normal and real and doesn’t make you an unequipped wife.
It’s completely acceptable to kindly tell your MIL that you would share more of that journey with her if she would stop pushing her opinions on you guys. Tell her that you both are doing the best you can with the circumstances you are presented with. When you need to, breathe in light blue and breathe out navy. Don’t force your husband to choose sides. Let us not forget that, he chose you, but he didn’t get to choose his mother.
be happy
In the end, the relationship with your MIL isn’t about being right; it’s about being happy, so try not to engage in a power struggle. Drop the chip on your shoulder so that you can move on in a productive fashion and be a happy and mentally healthy version of yourself.
PSA: Your new mom isn’t going anywhere. So dig deep and find little moments to get her involved in your life. Her involvement in your life is a privilege, not a right; however, you should do everything in your power to allow that privilege. Plus, let’s face it; you’re going to need a reliable babysitter eventually.
