Before making your commitments that mean forever, it’s important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page about the most important topics. A great way to do that is simply to have conversations where you both ask and answer the questions we have listed below to start a dialogue about your most important topics.
You may already know the answers to some of these questions, which is great! But make sure that you still go over them with your partner. Sometimes, over time, the answers to these questions can change, which brings us to an important tip:
Revisit these questions throughout your marriage!
It’s important as you learn and grow together, handle difficult situations as a team, and potentially discuss life-changing conversations like family planning that you ensure you know what your partner values most and what they enjoy doing.
Communication is one of the most important aspects of marriage. Staying in touch with your partner’s thoughts and feelings and keeping an open dialogue with them will play a big role in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
We have put together a series of questions that will have you and your partner doing a deep dive into your values, preferences, and desires. It is important that when you have these discussions, you have a few things:
- Ample time and patience – these are conversations that shouldn’t be rushed!
- Privacy – you need to be able to talk openly and freely about personal topics.
- An open mind – this is crucial because sometimes your answers to these questions will change.
Here Are 8 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Marriage:
1. What is the best present I have ever given you?
Start off with an easy-to-answer question that still reveals a lot about what your partner values. Gift-giving is a love language, and some value it more than others. Understand how your partner feels about presents and what they have appreciated receiving the most. What is homemade? An experience? Sentimental in some way? Your answers here can assist you in planning wonderful birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries throughout your marriage.
2. How should we communicate during difficult conversations?
This is such an important topic to cover, as difficult conversations will likely never go away. In fact, some of these questions may lead to difficult conversations. Talk to your partner and communicate what you both need when things veer into challenging territories. When you disagree on certain things, do you want space? Will a cool-down period assist you in revisiting tough topics? How do you feel about going to bed angry? Learn what works for you both – and remember, it will likely take some trial and error to figure it out!
3. Who are the most important people in your life?
Understanding the most important people in your partner’s life will help you see their lifelines outside of your relationship. Are they close with their siblings and parents? Their friends from college? Who can they turn to for comfort and fun outside of your marriage?
4. Do we want to have kids?
This is a big one. If marriage is on the table, you have probably already discussed this question with your partner in some form. Now, it is time to deep-dive and learn about the roots that inspire their decision. If you both want to have kids, it’s a good time to discuss how you want to conceive, if you are both open to alternative ways of starting a family, and the values with which you want to raise your kids.
5. Where do you see yourself career-wise in 5 years?
Work is where a lot of people spend much of their time. Talk to your partner about their career. How important is it to them? What are some of their career goals? It’s important to know now if they are aiming for that out-of-state promotion or if they want to change careers entirely because these are changes that would impact both of your lives.
6. Where do you want to live?
Depending on where you currently live, you may already be settled the way you want to be. Check in with your partner about where they want to live. Are you both saving for a condo or house? Do you want to stay local, or do you want to move closer to either of your parents or start over somewhere else? Now is the time to figure that out!
7. How much time do we want to spend together?
Quality time is another love language! Do you and your partner value quality time over other qualities? How do you want to spend your evenings and weekends? Make sure you and your partner know how much time you want to spend together and when you want space to explore your lives outside of your marriage.
8. is there anything else?
These questions are meant to open a dialogue about you and your partner’s values, preferences, and desires. Other questions will likely surface during these discussions. Keep the conversations going! Communication is key for long-lasting relationships.